50 things about lorr, you may or may not (want) to know :)
(in no particular order)
(and everyone who reads this had to do it on their blog, i get tagged YOU get tagged!!!)
1. have to have music everyday.
2. loves anne rice
3. wishes for world peace
4. wishes for peace in my own little world
5. thinks that tattoos and piercing are WAY cool!!!
6. has migraines
7. has 2 wonderful children
8. has fallen in love alot, and out of love very little.....
9. wants to sing all the time
10. thinks stevie ray vaughn is one of the greatest guitarist in the world, but KNOWS her brother is better!!!
11. wants all the hurt to go away
12. never sleeps
13. has buddha's all over her house
14. is fascinated with celtic knots, and artwork
15. hates to wait
16. believes in reincarnation and thinks she drowned in a previous life
17. hates hypocrites
18. can be a spoiled brat
19. feels very lost since her dad died
20. is losing her mom to Alzheimer's
21. is very scared she will end up the same way
22. is someones muse
23. has a very dark side, that NO ONE knows about
24. favorite movies are: the crow, donnie darko, bladerunner, somewhere in time, and finding neverland
25. one of her favorite tv shows was northern exposure, and loves that 70's show
26.doesn'tt think she'll make it to 50 things
27. is a member of the SCA , Society for Creative Anachronism ( http://www.sca.org )
28. would have been goth in high school if she had known herself a little better
29. is always sad in someway
30. doesn't want to get old
31. has a cat named "priss" after the character in the the movie "Bladerunner"
32. believes in dragons, fairies, good men and other mythical creatures :)
33. considers herself a pagan or wiccan, in other terms, a witch (ohhh scary)
34. loves the on-line game Everquest 2 (and is the officer of her guild) GEEK!!
35. believes that people are born with only a certain amount of will power. and is pretty sure shes used all hers up .
36. likes for all of her socks to match her outfits.
37. is wondering why shes referring to herself in third person through out this list?
38. her grandmother taught her how to crochet when she was 7.
39. never uses a pattern when she sews
40. wonders why she wants to be left alone, and the minute she is, she wants everyone to come back.
41. thinks she just might be bipolar.(and so does the doctor)
42. has been working on this list for at least a month
43. wishes she could do musical theatre again
44. wants to be the center of attention when she sings
45. can be very obsessive, but hides it VERY well
46. is truly scared to be alone, it physically hurts
47. loves cold weather
48. wants a white picket fence
49. already knows how weird she is
50. can't believe she made it to 50.....................................
just one time in my life, i would love to have a good nights sleep, just wake up and feel rested. can anyone tell me what that's all about? ~j* can put his head on a pillow and by the time i count 3 he's asleep!!! i am so jealous. you would think with all the stuff he has done he couldn't sleep at all, but no its me, who closes her eyes, and everything that has ever happened in my whole life comes running in to say "HI"!!!!
maybe the old saying "i'll sleep when i'm dead" will work for me. who knows.....
to the rest of you who can sleep....... have some pleasant dreams for me,
i've had alot going on in my head for awhile, when that happens everything i want to write or say, just runs over each other, and my thoughts are so very scattered, so scattered i start a sentence and forget what i was saying about mid-way through. its a constant race in my head. DUH!!!
i talked to my doctor about it, because of my moms condition, it really scares me i'm headed down that road. my doc (who is a wonderful women) told me with everything i had going on, its a wonder i could remember my own name. she did tell me too that now they have a test where they can test for a specific gene that can tell if your predeposed to having alzhimer's. she doesn't want to do the test on me, she said if she did and i tested positive for the gene, it would become a "pre-existing" condition. they i would have to deal with the wonderful insurance companys. man, you just never know.....
actually, this post is really suppose to be about my mom. my mom is 4'11, a little tiny thing, with a heart of gold. shes always been a conservationist, she recycles, fought for womens rights and choices, shes a democrat and campained for JFK (i sorta remember that, i was 2 i think, or maybe i just remember everyone talking about it) and started doing these things before they were "cool". she was the quintessential "earth mother", i guess the only short coming my mom ever had was my dad. she loved him dearly, he was difficult man. i loved him too, but i don't know how she did it sometimes. i guess she did it the way i do it. (i know that won't make sense to everyone)
i wish i could have one more really good talk with her. she has moments of clarity, but they don't last long. people seem to agitate her so easily. i think my son is the only one who doesn't get on her nerves. i don't know why that is, but i don't know why anything is lately.
but i can say i feel better.
got me a new tatto!!!! woohoo!!!!!
yes, i know i have them, (no comment, lans) i keep them under wraps at work (most of the time), but i fight them all the time. i feel frustrated, nothing seems to make me happy anymore. i get mad so easily, i'm lost, i don't know what to do. ~*j*~ left to go hunting, i thought with him gone and some quiet time i would just settle down some. but no, i didn't. i'm just as depressed as i was when he left. i want to be by myself, and ,"poof", i am. now i want people around me. i'm very lonely.
the funny thing is, i don't even know what i would talk about. i just don't want to be alone. I HATE THIS. this is part of the reason i think i could never be single again. its like someone else said in a post (he knows who he is) you become accustom, with the surroundings you are in, and they become "normal".
so now how do you break the cycle and free yourself? how do you get rid of the feeling inside, that's eating you alive. it literally feels like something is crawling around in my stomach, up my chest, into my heart, and thru my throat, i feel if i could get one good sigh, some sign of relieve...
ANYTHING!!! i'm tired of wandering aimlessly. thats all i seem to do.
People:My kids [[Amber and Ry]] My Friends: Jenn, Sari & Suzi
People:Mean,Ugly (for no reason)
foamy the squirrel
People:Mean,Ugly (for no reason)
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