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Thursday, August 25, 2005


hiyas all

well i added another blog to my list, it paul clement's from graveyard's blog, has his own personal art, pretty cool actually :)

also, i've still been getting birthday presents, even this late in the month. i love it!!! sari got me a "beignet kit", mix, coffee and a cup from Cafe' Du Monde cool :) and jenn got me the coolest captive bead, has a beautiful fairy..... main i love fairies, have you guessed? anyway thanks SOOOOOOOO much!!! i like being loved.

been trying really hard not to be depressed....
maybe i'll get there some day....

[[Lorrellie Walks Alone On This Endless Road]]*|10:02 PM|

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

[[when in rome]]

"When In Rome"

Where can a sick man go
When he can't choke down the medicine the old doc knows
A specialist came to town, but he stays at homeSayin',
"No one knows, so I don't"
when in Rome
Where can a teacher go
Wherever she thinks people need the things she knows
Hey those books you gave us look good on the shelves at home
And they'll burn 'em in the fireplaceTeacher,
when in Rome
Grab a blanket, sister
We'll make smoke signals
Bring some new blood
It feels like we're alone
Grab a blanket, brother
So we don't catch cold
From one another
I wonder if we're stuck in Rome
Where can a dead man goThe question with an answer only dead men know
But I'm gonna bet they never really feel at home
If they spent a lifetime learning
How to live in Rome

i love new music and i'm obessed with this song!!!!!! i really like this group!! hope ya'll enjoy also :)

[[Lorrellie Walks Alone On This Endless Road]]*|10:19 PM|

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

[[the wiccan religion]]

The Wiccan Religion.....

The Wiccan Religion The word "Witchcraft" dates back many hundred of years and means literally "The craft of the wise". This is because the Witches of the old were the wise ones of their village, knowledgeable in the art of healing,legal matters and spiritual fulfillment. A Witch had to not only be a religious leader, but also the doctor, lawyer, and psychologist of the village. Today, people have reclaimed this word in their pursuit of Wiccan religion. A Witch is an initiate of Wicca, one who has earned the right to call themselves Priest, or Priestess, through study, self evaluation, and spiritual living. Wicca itself, is an attempt to re-create European(mostly) Shamansistic Nature Religion, adapting it to fit our modern lives. Witches are worshippers of the Earth and its many cycles. We believe that deity is found not only outside to our realm, or plane of existence, but that is found within every living thing and all that support it. Therefore, we attempt to live in harmony with the Earth and each of it’screatures. Wiccan tend to involve themselves with ecological pursuits. Wicca observe the holidays of Pagan Europe; Eight festivals spaced evenlyabout the wheel of the year, at the quarters (equinoxs and solstices)and the cross-quarters (midpoints between the equinoxs and solstices). They are called: Yule (Dec 21) Tmbolc (Feb2), Lady Day (March 21),Beltaine (May 1), Midsummer (June 21), Lugnassed (Aug 1), Mabon (Sept 21),and Samhain (Oct 31). Actual dates vary slightly from year to year, as they are based upon actual celestial events. Many Wiccans also celebratethe Full Moon, of which we have 13 per year. The basis for Wiccans moral conduct is found in the statement "An Ye Harm None, Do What Thou Wilt." This is a mock archaic phrase, suggesting that any behavior that harms none, is morally acceptable. Harm is defined by anything that takes away, or works against an individuals free will. It is, of course, impossible to exist, or even cease to exist, withoutcausing harm, so Wiccans look to fulfill this as closely as possible. A Wiccan attempts to make choices based on what will cause the least harm, and promote the greatest overall positive effect. Wicca teaches self discipline, personal responsibility kinship with our planet and its creatures, open-mindedness and the virtues of diversity. Wiccans do not proselytize, as we believe that each must find the path that is right for them, and that all religions are different paths to the same truths. We draw our beliefs and practices from our own experiences, and that of others, understanding that age does not makes a religion any more valid, not does political support, numbers of followers or material holdings of its temple. Religion is a very personal thing, one which can only be validated by the experience of the individual. Wicca provides a link forthose who follow similar paths to share their experiences.

[[Lorrellie Walks Alone On This Endless Road]]*|8:02 PM|



i went to the movies with jenn on monday night, and saw deuce bigalow, OMG i laughed my ass off :) (sorta like that head thing, but only on the other end, martin:P) it was so funny and it was just what i needed, dinner and a movie and GREAT conversation!!!! i also made her wait until the end of the movie so i could see my friends name in the credits. guy i went to high school with, frank elmo weber. ( ) i'm so glad i went. i need to get out more...
thanks jenn :)

life has got to get better soon, i just know it...

[[Lorrellie Walks Alone On This Endless Road]]*|6:52 PM|

Sunday, August 14, 2005

[[j~ says.....]]

*j~ says.....

*j~ says, he doesn't read my blog, that i should have the right to write what i wish and he doesn't want to get in the way, i'm not so sure i believe him. but i guess, i just have a problem with believeing anything he says, or anything anyone else says for that matter. i said in my last very short blog i needed to run away.... i think i need to get away, disappointment seems to follow me, maybe i expect to much of people? i've always tried to see us as basic humans with human flaws, we all make mistakes, we all goof up, but geeze... how much do i have to take?

i guess its because my life is upside down right now. i say right now, but it has been for years and i just haven't faced it. when i was young i started believeing that i was not worthy of "true love". i had a difficult childhood, but i know alot of us do. so i came to accept the fact that i wouldn't find true love. well (to my surprise) i met the man of my dreams, and as you can guess, my idea of him was a dream.

as if life has ever made any sence to me, the darkness is creeping back in again and its time for me to either start living or finish it. i have not decided which i will do. i'm quite tired of the pain and sorrow in my life and in the lives of those that surround me. to me its time to make the change. what the change is i'm not sure of, how to start the change, i don't know that answer either.

i have loved and cared for so many in this life. my question now is has anyone really returned my feelings, has anyone ever loved me back.
i thought at one time the answer to that question was yes, i do remember feeling happy, wanted and loved, but now those feelings have vanquished from my life. i feel as if i am a bother or a nuisance to those around me.

when i try to talk of my feelings, people (some not all) tell me that they are not responsible for my happiness or they believe i am over reacting or being foolish or stupid. that its all in my head, so my question is have i made this all up? maybe some, but surely not all. why would i, or anyone, want to be unhappy and miserable. i truly don't want to be. i can promise you that. i don't like feeling this way, i don't want to feel this way, but i don't know what to do about changing the inner me.

i believed from a very young age that to be a good person and to be good to people would bring you the happiness you deserve. treating people with respect and kindness is what you needed to do to make everyone's life happy, including yours. but i find my self a bit jaded now. i have found that so many people take you for granted and take advantage of you for being kind. and so many relate kindness to stupidity? why is that, what can't you be kind and smart at the same time.

so i have to think was i a bad person in a previous life? did i do harm and cause hurt to others? is karma catching up with me in this life?
how exactly does karma work?

i've just been so depressed, sorry for the depressing posts, as of late :(

[[Lorrellie Walks Alone On This Endless Road]]*|11:22 PM|

[[wasted time]]

Wasted time......

Well baby, there you stand With your little head, down in your hand,
Oh, my God, you can't believe it's happening again
Your baby's gone, and you're all alone and it looks like the end.
And you're back out on the street.
And you're tryin' to remember.
How will you start it over?
You don't know what became.
You don't care much for a stranger's touch,
But you can't hold your man.
You never thought you'd be alone this far down the line
And I know what's been on your mind
You're afraid it's all been wasted time
The autumn leaves have got you thinking
about the first time that you fell
You didn't love the boy too much,
no, no you just loved the boy to well, Farewell
So you live from day to day,
and you dream about tomorrow, oh.
And the hours go by like minutes
and the shadows come to stay
So you take a little something
to make them go away
And I could have done so many things, baby
If I could only stop my mind
from wondrin' what I left behind
and from worrying 'bout this wasted time
Ooh, another love has come and gone
Ooh, and the years keep rushing on
I remember what you told me
before you went out on your own:
"Sometimes to keep it together, we got to leave it alone."
So you can get on with your search, baby,
and I can get on with mine
And maybe someday we will find ,
that it wasn't really wasted time

[[Lorrellie Walks Alone On This Endless Road]]*|8:46 PM|

Friday, August 12, 2005

[[i need to run]]

i need to run.....

i feel the need to run, i feel the need to take my kids and go so far away that no one can find me, i hate everything. i just don't want to try......

[[Lorrellie Walks Alone On This Endless Road]]*|9:36 PM|

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

[[judgement and pro choice]]

judgement and pro choice

it kills me how people sit in judgement of others, who are they? do they know something we don't? and do they care to enlighten us? please i'll be the first in line...

i am not a christian, i grew up, or i should say spent a great deal of time, with a very religious aunt whom i love very much and was very good to me (still is, shes the only one in my family, other than my husband and children, who remembered my birthday). but my parents never had much to do with organized religion, my mother was brought up catholic and my dad was brought up nothing, the only time he ever even said anything about christianity was when he reached his 70th birthday he told me that there has to be more than this, that this life was way to short, maybe they knew something that he (we) didn't.

but, i was actually going somewhere with this, i read the bible as a child and as a young adult, and in the bible its says "ye without sin, cast the first stone", so tell me, should i duck now?

i am pro choice, i am a liberal, i am a pagan, i believe that all of us make up the world that we live in, the souls we carry with us are given more than one chance to make things right. i am NOT a baby killer!!! i am so sick of these people who are pro life and call those of us who believe that a women has the right to do with her body as she wishes names. come on now, lets all grow up some. i have 2 beautiful children. i love them more than life itself. i would give my life in a split second to save my children. i don't know ANY mothers that wouldn't, and if by some fluck of nature, i was to get pregnate tommorrow, i would have a baby in 9 months. i love babys, i love everything about babys. but come on now, isn't it time to live and let live? i mean i had my tubes tied 13 years ago, hey all you pro lifers, is that a sin too? oh wait i seem to remmeber that there is a group of pharmacist, "Pharmacists for Life" ( who don't even want to dispence birth control to unmarried women, because they believe its "moraly wrong". ok who are you to legislate morality? but you find it ok to give men viagra? HELLO? who are they using it with? (they also have views on assisted suicide, another rant, another time).
i would love for everyone to read Margaret Attwoods book, "The Handmaidens Tail" and let me know what they think.

i would like to see all of the people who proclaim to be pro life sign an agreement. in this agreement they would voulunter, WILLINGLY to take a child that is born unwanted, one who is born addictated to drugs, or alcohol, or from an abusive family who will be abused as they are growing or neglected, a child that is mentaliy or phsycally handicapped. i want these people to say that they will provide this child with LOVE, food, clothing and shelter, make sure they are given everything they need, love them as if they are there own, put them through school and college and be responsible for there happiest and well being. even i the EVIL pro choicer, would be willing to do that for a friend. its so easy for you to tell people what to do, but not so easy to get involved is it?

somehow or another christians in this country have gotten the idea that thats all this country was founded on.... this country was founded on Freedom of Religion. not freedom of christianity. a few quotes to consider:

"The United States is in no sense founded upon the Christian doctrine." -- George Washington

"It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no god. It Neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." - Thomas Jefferson

"I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Protestant church, nor by any other church that I know of. My own mind is my own church." - Thomas Paine

"I do not find in orthodox Christianity one redeeming feature." - Thomas Jefferson

The Bible is not my book, and Christianity is not my religion. I could never assent to the long, complicated statements of Christian dogma." - Abraham Lincoln

"Who does not see that the same authority which can establish Christianity, in exclusion of all other religions,may establish with the same ease any particular sect of Christians, in exclusion of all other Sects?" -- James Madison, "Memorial and Remonstrance," 1785

"The number, the industry, and the morality of the priesthood, and the devotion of the people, have been manifestly increased by the total separation of church and state." -- James Madison, 2 March 1819.

"Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his God; that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship; that the legislative powers of the government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between church and state." -- Thomas Jefferson, writing to the Danbury Baptist Association on 1 January 1802.

do any of these names sound familer?

ok i'll come down off my soap box for awhile, but i can promise you, i'll be back. sorry for the LONG tangent.

[[Lorrellie Walks Alone On This Endless Road]]*|6:10 PM|

Sunday, August 07, 2005



well another birthday has almost come and gone (just a few more minutes).... i guess i should be happy to be around for one more year :) we had thunderstorms and the lights when out about 2pm and didn't come back on until about 11:30pm, so we had a party by candles, which was sorta neet. got a little warm in the house but other than that wasn't to bad. a few people didn't show up that i would have liked to but i guess something came up. i know sometimes plans get changed. got a couple of really cool things, THANKS to ALL!!!! i don't ever have a party to get presents, but i do love them, don't we all? i even got 2 books in the mail from my ex which i really think i'm gonna like, ones on buddist meditation, just learning how to i guess, i need to do something before my head explodes :)

but i have my typical disappointsments, my mom and my brother NEVER remember my birthday anymore, my mom has alzthimers, i know its not her fault but it still makes me sad. i keep thinking that one year my brother will have the sense of mind to remind her and they'll both call... one can dream........

and speaking of disappointments............... i could write a book, but i guess thats another post i'll save for a little later.......
ttfn :)

[[Lorrellie Walks Alone On This Endless Road]]*|11:55 PM|

Monday, August 01, 2005

[[from the crow.......]]

from the crow.......

People once believed, that when someone dies, a crow carries their soul to the land of the dead. But sometimes, something so bad happens, that a terrible sadness is carried with it and the soul can't rest. Then sometimes, just sometimes the crow could bring that soul back to put the wrong things right.

I believe there is a place where the restless souls wander. Burdened by the weight of their own sadness, they cannot enter heaven.... And so they wait, trapped between our world and the next, endlessly searching for a way to rid themselves of their pain- in the hope that somehow, someday they will be reunited with the ones they love. If two people really love each other, nothing can keep them apart.

[[Lorrellie Walks Alone On This Endless Road]]*|12:10 AM|

[[*The Fading Soul*]]

My name is Lorrellie.
No one really knows me.
Hell, I don't even know myself.
I wish I did...
I'm quite lost.

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Lilith is the ancient Sumerian goddess, (and predecessor to Adam and Eve), the first feminist and liberationist, boldly helps us to stand up for what we believe in, unbridled and courageous no matter what the cost.
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